On & Off the Wheel

A few days ago, I was talking to Trish on one of our innumerable FaceTime calls about nothing, y'all know how that goes. As we meandered between random topics and comfortable silences, we landed on my first newsletter and the general feedback on the website. In between seriousness and giggles she quietly says to me:

“Noella, please maintain this one”

We both make eye contact and burst into uncontrollable laughter, amidst which I confessed that yes, I too was terrified I’d lose interest. You see, I’m not a creature of habit or routine, something Trish knows all too well being one of my oldest friends. Take for example, the photoshoot below, one of my favourite things I've ever done. I was gunning for all the colours of the rainbow (and doing quite well) however, halfway through, I put it down and never picked it back up. To be fair to me, I was depressed as fuck and it no longer sparked joy but that's a topic for some other time. By the way, for those of you who were arguing with me about the colour of the dress in the green shot, I will concede that it is teal which is a blue-GREEN. That's all you'll get from me.

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I'm wired a certain way, most people are. My thing is, if I do the same thing over and over again, no matter how much I love said thing, if it is monotonously repetitive and yields the same results every single time, eventually I will put it down and walk away.

Over the last decade and half, I have tried many iterations of what I’m doing here, some never launched , some launched too early, some launched on time, gained momentum and (unfortunately) succumbed to the sad reality of my lost interest. What has never faltered though is my vision of what I want to see it become. Now, I can hear the gurus telling me:

No disrespect intended to Atomic Habits, I love that book, I've read it twice and I have the app. That body of work has done more for my focus than every other thing I've tried over the years, so shout out to you Mr. James, you really did your thing with that one. HOW-ever, dear reader, despite your well-intentioned advice, I am here to tell you that you have not accounted for my showing up and having nothing to give, or worse, giving something so bad because again I do NOT want to be there doing said giving, it would’ve been better if I gave nothing. *cue failure spiral* *cue shame* etc 

The problem is never showing up, the problem is maintaining my interest via novelty. I master things quite easily and if there is no longer anything new or challenging to do in a task, I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to “fix” something every time so it yields a different outcome each time. If it’s content creation, it needs to be new or slightly different every time. If it’s a job, it needs to come with a different set of challenges or villains every time. Janice in accounting isn’t as asinine or bothersome on the 4th encounter as she is on the 1st. By this time, that’s just a thing that happens and I neither care nor bother with it. 

In addition, any change in routine cannot be so great that I’m completely out of my depth. I'm a quick learner not a magician and I do not believe in suffering for the sake of it. I’m fine with a challenge, a curveball even, I will adjust to slight 15 degree tilts each time but a 180 tilt out of nowhere is not for me, especially if it comes with a steep learning curve and high expectations. My point is, if it’s challenging enough that I see a way through, I push through it. If it’s so challenging that all I see is a dead end, I will lose interest and no matter how far it's come, I will pull the plug. At the heart of every thing I am is a business woman who will not invest resources in a dud, nope, into the garbage it goes and we start over. I also have, as Nigerians would say, a strong belief in my own government. I am never worried about failing, I am worried about being mediocre, or worse, being one of those people who attempts to pass off mediocre work as groundbreaking innovation. Literally, shoot me ("Omg you're so dramatic!" I truly am) Sameness to me equals mediocre, average if you will, and average is where I jump off the bridge.

So what does that portend for this particular venture you ask? Well, I can't tell the future but I can tell you right now that this one is not a dud, I know because that is personal guarantee from me to me. I also know because this venture is all my talents and skills in one space. There are so many things that keep this site running from blogging, to site maintenance, to the product updates, to marketing and social media (I cannot promise personalized activity on Twitter, I'm good on the bot porn and general insanity, thanks) Amidst all the things outlined above, there are of course, clients to attend to. If I find myself temporarily bored because everything here is all on autopilot, I do have a day job to pivot to, which serves the purpose of reminding me what soul-sucking boredom actually feels like. I have a full life, with my family, friends and partner, I have my ongoing studies as well. I’m a busy busy bee, just the way I like it!

Last but not least, I have a good helping of spite to keep me going. I cannot give those who would see me fail the satisfaction? My enemies can never succeed, mais non, never. They motivate me endlessly and for that I thank them.

Stay tuned for Noe Knows Thrift next month. I enjoin you to participate in my decluttering as a portion of proceeds from items sold will go to charity and any items not sold will be donated. 

Ngwanu, ka ọ dị nụ, until next time.